‘Mark’, 25, from Doncaster'
'I’m originally from South Yorkshire and am the youngest of three brothers. My dad was brought up Catholic and my mum was baptised when I was eleven. All through my childhood, going to Mass was the norm and it was a big part of our lives. However, after I made my Confirmation, I decided to stop attending because I just didn’t get much from it. I was a normal adolescent and I stopped serving on the altar and began drifting away from the practice of my faith.
I didn’t go to my local parish for about 10 years, although I never stopped believing in God, nor the teachings of the Church. I felt that I didn’t have to go to Mass to believe in God and could practice on my own. Sometimes my parents challenged me about this, but I wasn’t interested. Prayer was still part of my life, especially when I was in trouble.
Before I knew it, I was enjoying everything that the world had to offer. I
went from relationship to relationship and became very “girl dependent”;
I always needed to be in a relationship of some description. If I got hurt,
then I’d go out and hurt someone else. I was looking for happiness in
all the wrong places. I experimented with drugs. A big night out would leave
me feeling really low and as soon the effects of alcohol wore off, I quickly
filled it with another vice and wasn’t comfortable in my own company.
During this time however, I still prayed to Mary, especially when I was in
need; if a girlfriend missed a period for example. My parents, told me that
they were praying for me, which was nice to hear, but didn’t mean a great
deal until one Sunday I felt an overwhelming desire to go to Mass. It happened
when I was going through a down time and was anxious. I thought going might
make me happy, but put off doing anything about it for weeks and weeks. Five
Sundays passed and the desire became more and more overwhelming, so I went
to my local parish down the road and sat there in silence for two hours.
I prayed and emptied my thoughts and felt at peace. I picked up a bulletin and
thought, “See
you next week.”
It was just after my 25th Birthday that I started regularly attending Mass
again. Sometimes I had to drag myself there and I didn’t want to go to
Confession. I used to go when I was younger, but this time round, I took it
much more seriously and felt I needed to test the water to see if my Mass attendance
would last. Reading about Catholicism was a great help at this time as well.
Gradually, I built up the courage to go and it was a release.
Even though my faith had been reignited, I struggled to change my lifestyle
and can remember having three girlfriends on the go at one time. I knew I had
to change and that what I was doing was wrong, so I decided to go on a pilgrimage
to a shrine in the former Yugoslavia, which was am amazing experience.
When I returned to England, I came back and slipped into some of my old ways.
A turning point came when I went to a Youth 2000 Evangelisation and Prayer Festival
in Norfolk. It was wonderful to meet young people who were trying to explore
the same things that I was. Since then, I’ve not looked back. The prayer
groups on offer and the friends that I’ve made have finally helped me
to choose and embrace my faith.
For me, I suppose I just got absorbed with things in life – stress at
work, friends and living in a hurt world. My faith has helped me to see that
all these things are temporary and that I need to look at the bigger scheme
of things because life is so fragile. At some point, we all ask ourselves, “Is
there more to life than this?” My Catholic Faith has helped me to answer
this question; it’s given me perspective and my behaviour an ethical and
moral framework.
The Church has so much to offer. It’s great, but also challenging. Recently,
my friends have seen a change in me and I’ve felt a change deep within
me.
I often hear of the term 'journey in faith' and I can very much relate to this;
I am taking one step at a time in my relationship with God and am realising the
importance of the graces received from attendance at the Holy Mass and through
the sacraments.'
The author preferred to not use his real name for reasons related to privacy.
'…one Sunday I felt an overwhelming desire to go to Mass.
It happened when I was going through a down time and was anxious.'
'Mark'